Goodnight

At night, I have flashes of him. Our most peaceful and sweet moments would come as we said goodnight and settled into sleep. Sometimes when I climb into bed, I imagine him saying goodnight to me. I imagine his eyes in the dark, looking at me, smiling at me, telling me one last thing before we fall asleep.

Now, when I return after getting up in the middle of the night, I am reminded of how he would welcome me back into bed.

In the dark, I walk into our bedroom.

As I approach the bed, he folds back the sheets and blankets.

He grabs me.

Throws the sheets over me as I settled back into his arms.

We fall asleep.

I was lucky to be loved that way. I know what love looks like now. I also know that his love wasn't the only thing I needed. I needed his partnership, commitment, respect and support. I needed him to share my goals and give of himself the way I gave of myself, whole-heartedly.

That love was special and sweet and kind and it sustained us through tough times, good and bad, and as we grew into adults. It has shaped who we are and it will always be a part of us.

Those memories are sweet and comforting, but also reflective of the true loss I am now left with. That love is still with me, as it always had been and always will be.

photo by sskennel