Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Day 1 was February 16th, 2009. After nine years, I started over.

Ever since I can remember, I've been drawn to the number nine. When I was young and all throughout my teens, I drew nine's. I drew them on books, papers, notebooks. I drew faces in the nines and created a whole legion of "nine people." I drew them over and over again. I was born in September, the ninth month. I always considered the number nine to be my lucky number. It has always been my favorite. For some reason, I knew it belonged to me.

So in the year 2009, after nine years living the only adult life I have ever known, I walked away and began a new life. I didn't plan to do this after nine years, only after it happened did I realize the connection to the number. Maybe there was a reason it took nine years and ended in 2009. It could have ended many other times in the past. But it took nine years. And now I begin a new life.

For the first time, I only have myself to think about. For years I had thought about another person far more than I had ever thought about myself and because of that, I was lost for a long time. My needs, wants, likes, dislikes were secondary. They weren't important enough and because of that I began to forget about myself, my interests, what makes me who I am.

Now, I have to relearn. I have to start over and listen to myself. For a long time, I didn't.

So I start over and I begin with a very early memory of a time when I knew, without a doubt, that I was drawn to one thing, feeling like something was truly all mine, connecting to it and feeling as though it was creating my identity, my uniqueness.

I'm starting with nine, that's where I begin.

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