Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My life is approaching fast.

Right now I'm searching for an apartment. While I love the idea of starting out on my own, getting to decorate my own home, living in my own space, starting new traditions and living my own life -- I'm also kinda scared. I haven't been alone in so long. Will I be okay?

So I search, and I search... seeing a variety of dingy, dark, small, old, crumbling apartments all over Chicagoland. I explore new neighborhoods since the thought of living in my old neighborhood makes me feel...well...ick. No thanks. And in my search, I stumbled upon a forgotten land called Logan Square. Trees, grass, boulevards, manicured lawns, old churches, historic landmarks. It's really lovely. I had forgotten that. I have happy memories from Logan Square, as that was the place my best friend and I lived about 5 years ago... and we had so much fun.

I think that's where I'll land, but wherever it is, it will be by myself. At times its a frightening thought and at times its liberating. I have to say, it's nice to think that I won't have to put up with anyone else's bullshit. For so long I cared for someone else, and for the most part did everything in our home by myself and for us. The thought of doing everything just for myself is pretty exciting. But the thought of being alone is, of course, tough. While I feel like for a long time I felt alone in my relationship, I wasnt really alone. He was there. And now he's not.

But guess what, I'm alone now and that's my reality. I'm not wishing for something to change in my relationship, I'm not giving up any part of myself, I'm not agonizing over someone else's feelings or needs, and I'm not compromising myself at all. That kinda rules.

And while I feel all inspirational and shit about my new life, I'm also pretty freaked out.

Original calligraphy by Andreza Keiko Mori


  1. It's terrifying how your emotions can go back and forth about a situation so intensely.

    But you are pretty awesome!



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